4. Ideas Illustrated;

Originally published in the Relocated issue of Ideas Illustrated, this piece written by Adam Tickle was featured in the article "A Dozen Ideas To Get You Going". Illustrations by Robbies Brown Shoes.

Being honest, I was nervous about eating at a strip club. I had never been to one before and I had reservations about what to expect. Would I get in wearing chinos and Wallabees? (the smartest combo I own). Would it be about the food or the ladies? Would I be pressured into buying magnums of champagne and running up a huge bar bill?


I knew the night was going to be interesting. 
Our table was booked for 9:30pm. Arriving early 
at 9pm we were turned away and told to come 
back. We popped to the pub 
next door only to have our nerves escalate by 
what only can be described as a maniac. Alone at the bar, frantically scribbling “Norman target. £999 billion. Boss Peter Stringfellow” across a copy of The Mirror was a bloke with one thing 
on his mind; to take down our host for the evening. Worried and confused 
we chugged down our pints and left hurriedly.

Arriving at 9:30pm, in strip club hours, is the equivalent of being the first at a party. We were the only two guys in the place, with 25 bikini clad ladies waiting to work their magic. Oddly we were sat on a table for four, but we went along with it and kicked off by ordering the worst prawn cocktail I've ever had in my life. I wanted to order the lobster for starters but was having that with my main and I didn’t want to get cocky. The plate arrived and it hummed pink. It tasted like the sauce you’d find at the bottom of a takeaway burger box. As I was moving it around my plate the empty chairs were occupied by two dancers fresh from the stage. They wanted to show us a good time but instead we proceeded to bore them with tales of food blogging and quiz them on the kind of clientele they mingle with on a daily basis. Myself and Robbie were soon flagged as the cheapskates in the room.

For my main course I ordered the rib eye steak 
and lobster for a whopping £35. Arriving disguised as a ring of fat with a dry, apologetic baby lobster on the side my disappointment began to show. The food was rubbish and the thought of “will I get ill from eating this?” quickly flooded 
my mind. Expecting to roll like a king all night 
I was extremely let down. A bowl of chips for two cost £11 and were bland and hard, yet readily munched up by our dinner guests. The service 
on the other hand was excellent and we were waited on hand and foot. For dessert we shared 
a Belgium waffle like a couple of old ladies quivering on a pier. It was actually the tastiest thing we ate all night. A night to remember but if there is 
to be a next time, I’ll stick to liquids.

Stringfellow’s
Prawn Cocktail, Rib Eye Steak & Lobster with Fries, Chocolate Waffle. £245 (for two with drinks)

Adam Tickle is a writer who often blogs about noteworthy things he has eaten and seen.
Robbies Brown Shoes is an illustrator currently based in London.

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